Progress over perfection

Some days are tough, aren’t they? In a society that judges our every move - from our career choices, to how we discipline our children, to what constitutes as a healthy diet, our social media presence or whether we employ a housekeeper -  it often feels like we have to have it all together and promote a false state of perfection. While we know that perfect isn’t reality, why do we work and strive towards a completely unrealistic, unsatisfied lifestyle? I am sure you can relate.

Let me explain. 

Throughout the week, I work as a public relations specialist for a government agency. I conduct lots of communication and content planning meetings related to specific projects or campaigns. Sometimes through discourse, we disagree on the right approach to tackle a particularly complex issue like safety. Some teams think it should be data-driven and scientific in presentation while others think a strategy should have a more human element, with additional public engagement and an opportunity for people to share their experiences. 

Why can’t it be both? Both approaches work towards a unified goal across similar audiences that bring about a shared solution.

While the right solution features diverse and inclusive perspectives, sometimes I focus too much inward about all the things that could go wrong or upset our course of action. ‘What ifs’ take over when we feel overwhelmed. I discredit my gifts and expertise, think what I have to say won’t matter or talk myself out of a creative idea. That doesn’t help anyone, and diminishes my contributions as a team player and professional.

The all-or-nothing mindset or "It’s never good enough” can be destructive to the daily progress and small changes we commit ourselves to. 

We are potty training our two-year-old right now. She gets nervous to use the bathroom and hides behind a curtain to do her business instead of getting her parents to help her on the potty. In those moments, I feel like a failure as a parent. Why can’t she just use the bathroom like a big girl? Am I not fostering a consistent or safe environment where she feels she can come get me? Why does she feel the need to hide? Am I not approachable as a parent? 

The spiraling happens quick, and feels like I am drowning.

Then I pause and remember who I am.

I speak affirmations over myself as a mom, sister, daughter, communicator, professional, believer and friend. 

My faith in God tells me He picked me to be her mother, and everything I need is available if I only ask. 

Here are some tactics I have adopted over the years when I feel the weight of perfection pulling me off the rails: 

1. Cultivate patience. As much as we try, we aren’t in control one hundred percent of the time. Prayer and meditation shift my perspective from a me-focus to an others-focus. We can, however, address our emotions and control our reaction to life’s toughest moments through grace and empathy. I am a big fan of stepping away from an argument or tense meeting, and getting some fresh air or going for a walk. Set the baby down in their crib, and give yourself a few minutes to clear your head when they won’t stop crying. They will be alright for a few minutes, and you can safely collect your thoughts.
2. Establish clear boundaries. The old saying that quitters never win and winners never quit is simply not true. Sticking with something only because you’re afraid of looking like a loser is a terrible idea. There are times when you must be brave enough to cancel or pause projects, goals, or relationships that no longer align with who you are or what you value.
3. What’s the next right thing? Disney’s Frozen had a nugget of adult wisdom buried in those ear-catching ballads. Anna sang “Do the next right thing” in Frozen 2 and it really stuck to me. Sometimes, when I feel the crumbling weight of comparison or perfection, I need to step back and simply do the next right thing. Maybe it’s offer an apology, consider a new approach, or a simpler, agreed upon idea while you hash up future objectives? Regardless, the next right thing is a great place to establish common ground. 
4. Prepare for disruption (embrace setbacks). No matter how organized or motivated you are, things will knock you off track. From illness to technology fails to everyday interruptions, there will be loads of obstacles on your path. My former supervisor used to say, “It’s not a mistake until it’s out the door.” Proof your copies and ask for multiple rounds of feedback before something goes live. Prepare yourself that your toddler maybe won’t like their first experience at the dentist, and have snacks or their favorite book on hand to boost their spirits after the visit. 
5. Small strides and celebrate the wins. Maybe you are launching a new website, starting the adventure of co-parenting or just trying to get your children to eat their lunch. Progress is made daily. Will it ever be perfect? No. Is there room for improvement? Of course. There is still a lot of work to do, but we are further along than we were 6 months ago. Treat your team to coffee, tell your spouse that you appreciate them coming to couple’s counseling or celebrate your chid’s latest success in school over family dinner. You may not be there yet, but you are further along that you were because you committed to trying and not giving up on yourself and those around you. I think we can all relate, and it’s time to celebrate progress, not perfection.