I made the most amazing spread for New Years Eve this year. Like one that made me want to create #1 MOM stickers and put them on myself and my husband too. Well, maybe.
Spinach artichoke dip, sweet and sour turkey meatballs, a variety of smoked meats and cheeses and a delightful champagne cocktail with fresh mint and berries.
Needless to say I was extra proud of my accomplishment.
However, after cooking and cleaning a majority of the day, it finally was time to serve up the dishes. The tunes were playing, the sparkly glasses were on and Ryan Seacrest and Jenny McCarthy were hosting live as America anxiously awaited the ball to drop.
We relished in New Years Eve this year: cozied up at home, relaxing by the fire and enjoying each other's company with our sweet baby. These are the moments I live for. The times had quickly passed where we hung out with friends until the wee hours of the morning, laughing and playing board games. How boring had we become?!
As my husband took a bite of my new turkey meatball recipe, he cringed and asked what special ingredient I had added. I shared with him it was a combination of grape jelly and barbecue sauce, a combination I had seen trending on Pinterest about "Hot New Years Appetizers" that I had to try. I took a bite to hopefully prove him wrong only to find out they weren't just bad. Those meatballs were the most disgusting thing I have ever made in my entire life. Complete and total failure.
What I had intended to look polished and picture perfect for New Years Eve quickly become one those of never-make-again references that we both laughed at.
And then it hit me. This was about more than meatballs.
What are things that we carefully craft to look perfect on the outside, when really the inside is just plain ugly. Let that sink in.
A pretty golden apple that has turned slimy brown at the core. A shiny red barbecue that has last summer's dried grease on the racks. Or my personal favorite, Chad from the last season of the Bachelorette. All of these are examples of things that are seemingly nice on the outside but rotten on the inside.
Something I have been thinking about the past few weeks is how people interact with one another. Our daily interactions shape how we view each other and the kind of relationships we will foster. The more intriguing idea that we discussed in our team meeting at work was the kind of energy you bring into a space. Are you the kind of person who brings creativity and excitement, or do you bring resentment and bitterness to the table? Either way, whether you woke up on the wrong side of the bed or not, your attitude and the energy you bring to a group is more important than your experiences, your title or your graduate degree. None of that matters if you are still an ugly person on the inside. People don't want to be around that. In fact, they flee from it and gravitate towards something brighter.
My takeaway from that meeting and going into 2018 is to be more self aware of the kind of woman I am and want to become. Am I just trying to appear to be pretty on the outside? Does my inside make others not want to be around me? Who are the people I am most drawn to and why? What makes their interior so intriguing that I leave feeling more encouraged about a situation, empowered as a mother or enlightened as a professional? All these and more are some of my little thoughts I wanted to leave you with this first week in January.
It's a gradual process, this transformation thing. Our deepest, darkest secrets are the things we fear most and why we forsake community with each other. I want to be than a lover of God and people; giving up my own agenda to be the girl who makes herself available even when it hurts. Because I want my insides to surpass anything materialistic that could come from the outside. And
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord is the be praised." Proverbs 31:30
XO -Tina
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